Monday, February 14, 2011

Mean mommy

This picture wasn't taken today, but this face, along with ear piercing screams, have been happening more frequently at the bed time hour. I have been feeling like a total mean mommy. I started trying to put the little man to bed at a reasonable hour about three weeks ago. The first two nights were heart wrenching. I was in and out of our room (where his pack-n-play is) about every ten minutes for four hours! Every time I tried to tell him "you're okay" or "mommy is here" and sing to him, but as soon as I left-- hysteria! One time when I put my hand on his chest (because I was trying not to pick him up), he grabbed my finger and just shook it like he was pleading with everything he had for me to hold him. I cried, of course, and thought I can't take much more of this.

Then things turned around - a little fussing here and there, but many nights I was able to lay Liam down while he was still awake and he put himself to sleep. Not these last couple nights though. Nope. The man is fighting sleep and is crying longer and I am starting to get the feeling he is trying to hold out and get me to stay.

I am so torn! On the one hand, I have heard
about attachment parenting (notice I said heard not read- I have been so behind on reading parenting books, so I always get other moms to give me the skinny on what they are reading, then I compile my parenting style from all the bits and pieces I like from their synopses) . It sounds so nice. You keep your baby close, meet their needs, answer their cries - basically let them know you will always be there and this allows them to be confident and strike out in independence. I believe this was the parenting style of Maggie Gyllenhaal in Away We Go - No strollers, no separation....and no something else. Maybe it's not that extreme but that is what I think of.

On the other hand, coercing my baby into a little independence now seems so appealing - more mommy time (I know it's a lame term - but I hang out with a lot of new moms and the lingo is slipping in) and maybe he won't be as weird as Wolfie. It is so hard to let your baby "cry it out." I don't feel strong enough to do that. And since Liam is so good a lot of the time with sleep, it makes me think something really is wrong when he starts to loose it. Or maybe he is "overtired," another mommy concept. Adam doesn't believe in it. I am on board 100%. It is real and sometimes it is the only logical explanation. All this talk about sleep training (or an attempt of it anyway) is probably an appropriate time for me to issue a public apology to my sister. So here it is:

Kelly, I am sorry for being so hard on you about how you dealt with Kat's sleeping habits. It is hard and okay to cry when your baby is losing it. You are a great mom! I am learning a lot from you!

There may be many more of these apologies as I realize how hard motherhood is - most of them will probably be to my mom and Kelly. I think we are always hardest on our fam.

Anyways, that was a lot of talk about sleep, but you talk about what you know... right? I would be a mostly mute these days if I couldn't talk about the mundane things of motherhood, but it is all new and exciting to me. The other thing moms talk about all the time is how cute their babies are - so I compiled a few pictures as evidence of his cuteness and that the opening picture wasn't a full representation of his personality (for those of you still debating on buying your plane ticket to Vermont).


Liam is hanging out on the baby blanket I made him here. I don't know why, but I think he looks like a football player here.


This is his male model head shot. We were trying to do tummy time, but he is not a fan. Yet another area where I have to be mean mommy - You can't have a floppy neck all your life Li Li.


A selection from the photo shoot Aunt Sarah did with Li. He makes this face a lot when he is excited - right before he smiles.


Ahhh and a smile. Most of my day is spent trying to get these from him.


Very casual and la la la about being out to breakfast with his parents and godparents. This was my first time at Lou's, where I finally ate their famous french toast that I dreamt about the day of Li Li's birth.


Liam and Sophie, his French giraffe, who is apparently a bit of a hussy. I think everyone has her.


Another pic from Aunt Sarah's photo shoot. I am not sure if that is the beginning or end of a smile, but it is cute.


One of Li's last baths in the bathroom sink. He finally outgrew it. We have graduated him to the kitchen sink as of Saturday.

I think I have mentioned how hard it is having Adam around so little during his hard rotations, but we still make it a point to have as much fun as we can. We try to enjoy every minute (and slow the clock down as much as possible). Having Michelle and Ryan so close makes it feel like we do have family up here and we do get to spend a lot of our free time with them. It just so happened that Ryan had off the same weekend of Adam's golden weekend (the term "golden" makes the one weekend a month you have free sound like more of a gift than the real robbery of your three/four other weekends that are stolen from you that month) - so we went on a little Maine excursion. It was mine and Liam's first time - we loved it! We hung out, chatted, shopped in Freeport (factory outlet heaven!), went snow shoeing and guzzled milk (because the snowshoeing was on a dairy farm and that is what you are supposed to do after cardio activities right?).


The men


The women and children


The classic ski picture I never got take, because my Floridian family never braved the cold growing up. I know we are a decade or so behind, but is never to late to make that mouse pad you've always wanted.


And the milk - coffee, banana, and blueberry. I gave myself a stomach ache. Nothing like physical activity and then a ton of milk to make you feel alive.


On top of our golden weekend, it has also been wonderful to have so many visitors to break up the loneliness and give me something to look forward too. Overall, my mental health is pretty dang good for a Florida girl experiencing her first winter in Vermont (lack of daylight and sun on my skin is the hardest) and for an extrovert who has recently been spending the majority of her time alone. I am handling everything better than I thought, but it is still such a huge blessing to have people you love come stay with you. It totally recharges me (I told you - I am an extrovert).



Sarah working her magic with Liam. He was growing or "overtired" or something when she was here because he was his grumpiest, but Aunt Sarah still loved him and got several cute moments with him.


Care just left on Saturday and I miss her already. Here we just look like your typical Vermont family about to hike down the Quechee Gorge.

Other fun things we have been up to:


Loving every minute of Adam's time at home. When dad is here, the boys enjoy doing man things together - like cuddling, tickling, and talking in high voices.

The darkness is not our favorite, but the snow is and when we have any free time... we bundle up and we play.


Liam won't know what to do when he experiences summer. He'll be sweating bullets. For those of you who have seen it in greener weather, it is probably hard to believe below is the cabin up the hill from us - our favorite back yard hike. We still hike it pretty frequently, but it is not my main source of exercise anymore. It can be pretty treacherous after a big snow, especially if you don't have snow shoes. As of two weeks ago, my main source of physical activity is P90X. It is so hard, but I am hanging in there. And no - I will not being posting my before pics on the blog.




Another awesome snow activity we love is sledding. We just discovered this sledding hill at Occum pond. Jamie was trying to rip Adam off his sled the whole way down. Don't worry, Liam was safe and sound. Care was holding him.


So as you can see the weather is not keeping us completely home bound. But we definitely don't get out as much as we did when we were in a warmer climate. Adam and I don't want to wish our life away, but man, our Florida vacation is on our mind a lot. I can't wait to feel the sun kiss my skin again! We have a little beach fever:)



That is all from the land of ice and snow for now. Remember if you are looking for a winter get away - think Vermont. There are cheap rooms at The Hammond Hostel.